Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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