I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
