I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
