Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
