i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
