I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
