I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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