Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
