Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
