so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
