My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
