Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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