What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you win again, gameday.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
