Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
