Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
