Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
