my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize