I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
