I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
