so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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