Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
