Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
