I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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