go do what you do best...puke behind churches
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
