she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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