I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
