Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
