I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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