Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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