How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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