Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All the doctor said was why
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
