I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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