Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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