Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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