Acid is not a monday night drug
My pussy is not your playground.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
