summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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