God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
