HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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