Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
