My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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