There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
