Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
