I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
