How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize