i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize