____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
