Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
