I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So much rum. So many feels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
