I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
