He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
