dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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