so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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