He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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