I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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