If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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