I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
