Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
