You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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