dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize