I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
