well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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