He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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