"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need a beard to bite.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
