So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
