does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
