Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
