I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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