Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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