im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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