I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
